ukhwah syabab

Friday, June 26, 2015

When Death Comes

The title itself gives you an idea what I'm planning to talk about

Recently, I've been surrounded by the "death news" 
However, in most of the news, there's only one that really strike my heart like really deep within 
I can feel my heart literally being poked by the needle and trust me it really hurt 
Err, I guess I'm over exaggerating the feeling, but yeah you'll get the point right?
Straight to the point, it was about the death of one of my classmates, from the same class and I know him in person 
Masha Allah, he is one of the patience men, in spite of having some of his friends that really like to tease him, but yeah he okay with it. Hat off!

He has just gone like that *boom!
I know he was sick, but the last conversation I had with him, 
He was getting better, yet two weeks later 
I received news he has left us FOREVER
You know what is the most saddest part? 
I was thinking about at THAT moment was IF I WAS HIM, AM I READY FOR IT?

I am quite aware as a Muslim, we believed with Qada' and Qadr 
The life and the death etc. 
Yet that moment, causing me till today wonder around and monolog what am I suppose to do with my life? 
 I've been thinking a lot.. I mean like A LOT.... 
Sometimes I wonder what if like Now... this moment, I close my eyes and I was pronounced dead
What happen next?  
Yes, I'm going to leave everyone, my soul will leave my body 
And just to think about it cause my tears drop!

I realize that I'm not ready for it 
I realize that I've been spending so much time ALONE that I forgot that one day I'm going to end my life ALONE, no one is going to be there with me! 
No one's is going to hold my hand and show me to the next world 
NO ONE!!! And it's scary! 
Sometimes you wonder you've been created in this world ALONE to monitor about yourself
Surrounding you is just a tool and responding variables to see how you react to this world 
At that particular time, I know that my deeds are so small that if I throw it into the ocean, the ocean will not going to move and wavy.

Again, if you read this, don't lose faith 
Don't dare to kill yourself 
Let the death comes to you at the right time  
Yeah, I know life can be challenging, but leaving alone? 
Trust me, it's is going to be the last thing you've ever wanted to do 
Take my words from the guy who used to think that living alone is heaven!


Saturday, June 20, 2015

I'm Back! For now...

Last update... September 15, 2013.

Today.. 20 June 2015... 3 Ramadhan 1436H

Masha Allah, it has been more than 2 years. How time flies!

Somehow you're wondering what have you achieved in your life?

How could you tell that you deserved for whatever it worth?

Enough with the philosophy, haha

Alhamdulillah selamat bergelar graduan kesihatan persekitaran pada September 2014, namun bekerja dalam sektor perbankan yang ternyata 360 darjah larinya. Diri ini pun terkejut mengimbau kembali bagaimana kehidupan boleh jadi terlalu luar jangka. Hasratnya mahu berkhidmat menjadi Pegawai Kesihatan Persekitaran, tetapi market bidang ini di Malaysia ini hanya mampu menggenggam segulung ijazah sahaja ataupun meneruskan ke peringkat lebih tinggi dan menjadi Lecturer. Bukan sebab tiada kerja, satu-satunya skop yang betul-betul menepati bidang ini hanyalah dalam Kementerian Kesihatan Malaysia dan Majlis kesihatan di peringkat Negeri. Jadi boleh nampak la bukan senang untuk menempatkan tapak di dalam industri ini. Kerjaya dalam bidang perbankan pun tidak tahan lama, ternyata hidup di dalam office yang penuh dengan drama dan samarinda tidak sebati dengan jiwa ini. Memilih untuk resign selepas 9 bulan ibaratnya menunggu bayi baru lahir walaupon pada mulanya mendapat tentangan daripada pihak keluarga, teman terdekat dan rakan sekerja. Alhamdulillah masing-masing percaya dengan prinsip yang aku letakkan, dan sekarang aku masih mencari matlamat hidup. Jika mampu aku ceritakan apa yang berlaku dalam tempoh dua hingga tiga tahun ini, masha Allah mungkin boleh buat satu novel agaknya. Jalan cerita hidup aku mungkin tidaklah menarik mana namun sedikit sebanyak membuatkan aku banyak belajar tentang hidup. Pejam celik tahun hadapan usiaku Jubli perak. Masih tertanya sehingga hari ini, Apakah yang telah aku capai dalam hidup ini?

Have you ever come across
When you click the "Pause" button in your life
All you want to do is change your current state
But it feels so blank
That you no longer believed that you can make the right choice about it? 
You sit in the empty box convinced yourself that you did made the right call
Yet you're freezing to make the next move?
You got the concept but don't know where to began?
Or maybe you just don't know where to when to what?
-Dilema tanam anggur-

Sunday, September 15, 2013

The story to be ponder

Yesterday I got a chance to meet with my old friend who currently doing medicine
He shares with me the story one of his patients during elective at paediatric ward
this kids was diagnose with rare disease
when he was born, his parent thought he was just as normal as every baby
unfortunately the sad story began when he was in Kindergarten
his teacher tries to talk with him but he ignores and don't respond
so the teacher talks with his parents and ask them to bring him to the doctor
he might be deaf
so this parent makes an appointment with the specialist and the doctor diagnose that this kid loss the sense of hearing
so they start to send him at the school for deaf where he will learn how to speak by using a signal
10 years later this kid starts to loss sense of sight
he can't see anything
and today this 13 year old kid living with blind and deaf
so how he chats with his parent and doctor?
whem my friend wants to talk with this kid
his father will take this kids hand and holding my friend's stethoscope and put it on his chest
and his father says, "this is the doctor"
and this kid nodded as a sign of he know whom he speak too...


this kid manages to put a smile on what happen to him
and we who have almost everything normal
how we appreciate what Allah have given to us???
let us recheck our Iman.... astaghfirullah hal a'zim 

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Short Stories : MOMENT part 2

continue from Part 1....

10 years ago...

I still remember it was summer, I was sitting alone and looking at the lake of Tititwangsa Park. Despite the place was noisy with kids chasing around and family gathering, there I was at one corner feeling emptiness and my heart were pounding but my soul was dead. Suddenly someone approaches me from my back......
"Hi there! Is there anyone beside you? May I have a sit here?" I was blur yet furious as there were so many places he can have a sit but why must be in my spot.. Ugh!! 
"Err, of course, no one here!!! Do you see anyone here? daa~~," I was literally responding with sarcasm because obviously I'm not in the mood for chat. 

'Oops!! Sorry bro didn't mean to interrupt you, but this spot has the most magnificent view where sunset met by the end of the lake, don't you think it's beautiful? " You can see his white teeth when he smiled and somehow his face was shining like reflection from the sun. I believed he was trying to comfort me and somehow I felt for it.

Then, just a split of a second, I fall for it, he was really friendly and all of his topic really make me forget all the gloom and yeah, we take a snack and do a lot chatting and of course we didn't miss the chance to watch the sunset and the reflection of the sun through the lake was awesome! I wouldn't mind saying that it was the most beautiful things I have ever seen in my entire life, watching it make me peaceful and somehow make me forget everything that make me pain.


"When you look at your life, the greatest happiness are family happiness. " 
~Joyce Brothers

          It has been five months after the mourning of my whole family because of the tragic accident involve the truck. Three sisters, two brothers and my mom and my dad, all I lost it in one second, how fast the time flies. I should be with them, but I rather stay at home and play online games rather than follow them to meet with our cousin. I never know it was the last time I can ever see them. I kept saying I want to change the past, the reality is I'm not ready to lose them.

Their death really changes me, I lost my soul and I lost my strength, the one and only things I love the most are missing and will never come back. How can I be happy about it, how can I continue with this journey without them by my side? I still remember the promise I made to the family that one day I want to build a big house at the highland with the breeze are flowing around us so that we will live in a better home since we are from poor families. However, everything will end up be a fantasy and the reality is a misery.

My name is Habib, I'm a university student who currently are doing art and literature. My passion towards art are beyond anyone could ever imagine. It's like I'm living in a different life with a different perspective. Writing poems and short stories are my skills. I love doing it at the park of Titiwangsa. It's like my second home to get the inspiration. Besides, when I'm in the bad situation or in pain, I always run to this place. The lake is so beautiful in green with the wind flow the wave smoothly and the trees around the lake are dancing and the birds are singing. This place is so peaceful. It makes me feel like I'm living with myself. Well, now I'm living alone.

After their death, I never allowed myself to go to the park of Titiwangsa. I'm not allowing my ego to drop a tiny few of tears when I was in the crowd. I know I'm not strong enough to hold the tears, but I kept trying to hold it by pretending in front of the glances that I'm good, deep down I'm in pain and sorrow.

"Thanks for being there with me through the bitter and sweet peas, You are my best friend The one that I seek out The one that I ran like lightning when I'm in doubt The one that I shared the tears and sorrow The one that will always be the one and only My best Friend that can't never replace"

Dunia Baru

Salam syabeebs...
it's been a while
last entry was 17th September 2012
and today I'm gonna wrote it as 12th September 2013
olmost one year!!!!
a lot of things have happen
things not going very well
but hey this is the reality
u jz have to deal with it
hopefully I'm gonna spend time to do some entri..hehe jz wait people...hehe

Monday, September 17, 2012

short stories : Moment

 It was moonless and I was alone try to find the right path, but the faster I ran I turn out back to the beginning... I was scared but the faith of want to get out of here make me strong.. I was alone in the dark hoping if someone can grab my hand and show me the way out... but I can't even hear the bird singing.. I'm sure I was in the forest..
There was a time I given up, I was sit down and hugging my leg and I cry out aloud.. not because I was afraid, but because I was alone in the dark with no one by my side. At that time, what I have in mind was the memoirs about my friends.

10 years ago...
I still remember it was summer, I was alone sitting and staring the lake at Tititwangsa Park. Although the place was too loud with kids chasing around and there were lot of family laughing with their own conversation, I was feeling empty my heart were pounding but my soul are dead. 


ade sesiapa ade IDEA pe yang akan jadi lepas nie?hehe
siapa yg belum baca cerpen karya syabab leh bace di sini

happy reading!!!

Saturday, September 15, 2012

syabab quote #1

you can't never please everyone.. 
so what you can do is take the biggest step by ignore those hatred, and insult... 
because if you care about it you will end up suffering from their happiness seeing you as miserable as hell... 
so act like "do I care" sometimes really works 
and you will find it it will be much better facing the world 
with unpredictable people with unpredictable behavior and unpredictable manners...

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